Lost Without You
by VirtuAllin
Summary: Hawke is getting more frustrated by the day. It's been three years since that one night and they've never discussed why Fenris left. Can she cope?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my very first attempt at writing fiction of *any* kind, so any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. I came late to Dragon Age II but have played through 3.5 times so far. I'm thoroughly smitten with Fenris and the voice of Gideon Emery! Fengirls FTW! This story is just channeling through me, so I have no idea where it's going. I hope you enjoy it! All settings and characters owned by Bioware, so don't sue me. grin Huge (((hugs))) to ****sassyXviolets**** for my first positive review!**

She slammed her fist against the bedpost in frustration, seemingly for the millionth time. She winced at the pain radiating from the heel of her hand but shook it off. She'd had worse and her heart ached far more than any visible bruises she might bear. It had been three years, three years since that night, three years since he had simply walked out of her bedroom and out of her life.

But that was wrong; he wasn't out of her life. She worked with him nearly every single day, felt his gaze upon her back as they traipsed all over Kirkwall righting wrongs and earning coin. Not once in those three years had he ever mentioned that night, and neither had she. She'd be damned if she was going to let him know how much he had hurt her. Besides, that nasty little voice in her head kept reminding her that if she did sit him down to talk, he just might confirm her worst fears and laugh in her face that she was still thinking of him after all this time.

It was obvious she meant nothing to him. Why else would he act like that night had never happened? Yes, there were those rare moments when she caught him staring at her with those mossy green eyes brimming with some unspoken need but he always tore his gaze away before she could speak. Maker, she ached for him so deep that her soul was near to shattering into a million pieces.

"Snap out of it, you have bloody work to do," she yelled at her reflection in the mirror. There was no use crying over what could never be. She resolved to finish pulling herself together and get on with the day at hand.

"Don't you dare leave without eating something, young lady," Her mother chided her as she entered the kitchens. "You may own this home now, but I'm still your Mother and I'm worried you're losing too much weight running all over Kirkwall like you do. Promise me you'll eat."

"Yes, Mother. We're headed out to the Wounded Coast, so I definitely need a full belly. Maker knows what nastiness we might meet out there." Hawke assured her, "Also, I'll be taking Titus along with us. Bodahn is getting frustrated having the dog always underfoot. Yesterday, Titus gnawed off half of the table leg and Sandahl's enchantment tools spilled all over the floor. I'll need to take along extra food to keep him happy on the trek."

"Well, I'm sure he'll be happy to enjoy the sea breeze and your company. Just make sure he doesn't gnaw on Anders again. That man scares me when he gets angry; you're not safe around him."

"I know. He seems to be losing control more often of late. But, I can manage him." Hawke pinched the bridge of her nose, "Besides, I'm not taking Anders. I simply cannot endure any more puppy dog eyes or whining about the plight of mages."

"Good," her Mother handed her a pack filled with foodstuffs and extra supplies, "I know I say this every time, but be safe. I love you!"

"I know," Hawke replied, "I love you, too, Mother."

They shared a quick hug and Hawke finished off her mug of tea. She set about gathering the rest of the supplies she'd need for the trip to the Wounded Coast. Their challenge today was to locate a missing Qunari detail. How on Thedas it was possible to misplace a bunch of hulking, horned Qunari giants was simply beyond her, but she wouldn't turn down the gold. The thought of a few blissful days camping on the beach held even greater appeal.

She shouldered her pack and left home for the bustling streets of Hightown, making her way past the merchants without succumbing to temptation and buying some new piece of armor or a pretty bauble. She ventured down the road to the entrance of Lowtown. Despite the early hour, the residents were already out in number and she had to negotiate the crowds carefully to avoid slamming her pack into some unsuspecting Templar or Dwarven fishmonger. She sighed with relief upon sighting Varric standing with Merrill just outside the Hanged Man.

"Fine morning for a Qunari hunt, eh Hawke?" Varric stroked the stubble on his beardless chin, "Um, think you've got enough supplies in there for four?"

"There's enough for the three of us, plus Titus. Varric, so help me, if you've invited Anders along on this one I will flay you alive!" Hawke bristled at the thought of losing her peaceful naps on the beach to the woefully smitten glances of their resident Abomination.

"No, I quite like my skin where it is, Hawke. Blondie isn't the one who invited himself along for this trip. Think broodier." Varric chuckled as Hawkes eyes widened in surprise and she began sputtering in anger and confusion.

"He what?" Hawke screamed, once she'd found her voice.

"He invited himself. We were playing a few hands of Wicked Grace last night when I let it slip what we were up to for the next few days. He was beating the pants off me, as usual and I had to find some way to bow out gracefully before I lost all my coin. I mentioned I had an early day with you today, and he asked me where we were going. When I mentioned searching for Qunari, he insisted he tag along. He does know more about them than all of us put together, Hawke."

She couldn't fault Varric's logic, Fenris did indeed know much about Qunari culture and customs. She had thought of inviting him but had decided she'd rather spend a few days out of his company. Despite his many talents and his extraordinary skill with a sword, she simply couldn't deal with her feelings for him anymore. She felt as if her heart was being broken piece by piece each time she looked upon his face, those stormy eyes, that shock white hair falling into his face when he spoke, those lips as they curved into a smirk at one of Merrill's silly comments. She so longed to dig her hands into that soft, white hair and kiss those infuriating lips until he couldn't breathe.

"...and I just hope the water isn't too cold for a swim. Do you think the water will be very cold? Hawke?" Merrill waved her hand in front of Hawke's face. "Thedas to Hawke. Hello, Hawke? Where did you go?"

Hawke snapped herself out of her elf-laced reverie and nodded to Merrill, "Sorry. Yes, the water should be plenty warm enough for a swim. We just have to find those blasted Qunari first." Hawke turned to Varric, "So, what time did you tell the broody elf to be here? We're losing daylight."

Varric's face split into a wide grin as a gravelly voice spoke behind her, "He told the 'broody elf' to be here by seven, and thus I am here. I do not brood."

She whirled around to confront him, "Oh, you are so wrong! You're the broodiest brooding elf I've ever met in my life! You're late. It's at least a quarter past seven!" Her eyes were shooting sparks and she felt as if smoke were wafting from her ears. Only he could get under her skin this easily.

"I've been standing behind you for the last fifteen minutes whilst you were wool gathering. If I were an assassin, you'd be dead several times over." He slouched against the wall of the Hanged Man.

Merrill shuffled her feet and discreetly lowered her gaze to avoid catching eyes with either of the arguing pair. Varric simply watched in rapt attention, still wearing his huge grin.

"I was not wool gathering, I was thinking of how to make my supplies stretch to accommodate four people instead of my original plan for three. Not easy, thanks to your inviting yourself along to this expedition!" She stamped her foot in frustration, her eyes watering from the pain of a sharp pebble she hadn't realized had lodged in her shoe.

"There is no need. I've brought my own supplies." He stated matter of fact, ignoring her outburst.

"Oh, of course you did! Fine! You want to come along, suit yourself." She swung around, nearly unseating the pack from her shoulder and knocking Merrill over. "Come on, Daisy, Varric. Let's not lose any more daylight."

Fenris straightened and fell in behind Hawke and the others as they left Lowtown for the Wounded Coast, wondering at Hawke's unusual behavior. Never before had he invited himself to any of her excursions but with his knowledge of the Qunari, he didn't understand why she seemed so upset with him.

She had grown moody and irritable, quick to temper of late. It seemed directed at him alone and it had been getting worse over the last year. It seemed obvious to Fenris, she was tired of having him around. Why doesn't she just tell me to leave?

She did nothing but confuse his thoughts and lay waste to his senses, he couldn't think clearly in or out of her presence. His days were filled with worthy battles and the sight of Hawke's superior posterior swaying back and forth as she walked ahead of him each day. It was hypnotizing, like a siren song luring him to his death or like a pendulum counting out the seconds to his ultimate doom.

His nights were plagued with fevered dreams of her body moving beneath his own. He had thought once that there might be a chance at something wonderful between them, all those years ago. He had been a fool and a coward. How could he have ever thought that she might share his growing passion? He was a former slave, he was a ruthless killer. He had nothing to offer her, not even a past to share.

He shook himself from his thoughts and tried to enjoy the countryside as they trudged through the outskirts of Kirkwall towards the Wounded Coast. His gaze always gravitated back to Hawke and that beautifully rounded behind swaying before him. How he enjoyed following her. He longed to stroke his hands over that smooth flesh and feel her tremble beneath him. He ached to taste her lips as she sighed his name. He yearned to bury himself in her velvet heat and stay there forever.

He stifled a groan as he realized the train of his thoughts and shifted his breeches to accommodate the sudden swelling of his manhood. It was a good thing he always brought up the rear in their little groupings, he thought to himself. The last thing he needed was Varric ribbing him or Merrill collapsing in a faint at the sight of him.

The dog chuffed plaintively at him as if sensing his thoughts. This caused everyone to turn and look at him. His difficulty no longer obvious, he simply shrugged.

"Are you hungry, baby?" Hawke sweetly lilted. "Let's stop for lunch, everyone."


	2. Chapter 2

They reached the Wounded Coast by mid-afternoon after only a few minor brushes with death; a band of raiders jumped them while they finished their lunch, but were quickly dispatched. At a fork in the road, a desire demon had tried to lure Varric into a tryst but he let Bianca do the talking for him. Afterward, he quipped, "Hell hath no fury like my Bianca scorned," which elicited giggles from Daisy. There had been no sign of any Qunari, but Hawke was certain they'd find the missing detail once they were closer to the coastline. She just 'felt' it.

They continued onward, down the narrow trail meandering around the south face of the cliffs. It was eerily quiet with only the plaintive sound of gulls and the distant surf pounding the shore disturbing their thoughts. Hawke senses pricked and the hairs stood up on the back of her neck. It felt… wrong. She sensed blood magic somewhere close.

"Is the coast really wounded? Can't it be healed?" Merrill chirped, breaking up the nervous tension. Hawke giggled while Varric rolled his eyes.

They were rounding a bend in the path leading closer to the shore when Hawke spotted the first Qunari body. Before she had a chance to motion a halt to the rest of the team, they were set upon by four putrid and rotting shades and an abomination spewing fireballs. They made swift work of cutting down the minions with only Merrill suffering a slight burn from a fireball.

"Varric, I'm fine. It's just a little singe. I assure you, it doesn't hurt… very much." Merrill demured.

"Sit, Daisy, and let me have a look at it. I can't have my favorite mage getting a nasty infection, Bianca would never forgive me." Varric softly muttered a worried curse while pulling an injury kit from his pack.

"Do you mean, Bianca likes me? I thought she'd be terribly jealous!" Merrill exclaimed, then hesitated "Oh, I shouldn't have said that, right? I'll shut up, now."

Varric simply sighed then looked over to Hawke then at Fenris to see if they'd caught Merrill's slip. Hawke winked at him and Fenris simply continued to stand there and brood. Varric thought he'd made it through that one unscathed. If it had been Aveline or Isabella that had heard Merrill, he'd never live it down. They'd have to learn of his burgeoning affection for Merrill eventually, just not quite yet.

"Let's take a look at that Qunari." Hawke ordered as Varric finished up the bandage for Merrill's burn.

As they neared the Qunari corpse, they noticed several more Qunari bodies further down the path. "This must be the missing patrol. There's no sign of who their attackers were, but it looks like they put up quite a fight." Hawke observed. It appeared that the last two surviving Qunari had tried to take up a fortified position behind a nearby wagon, but to no avail.

"I'll collect their swords. Our Qunari contact will want them returned. We can put the bodies there," Fenris pointed to a small cave above an outcropping near the path. "The Qunari do not believe in any sanctity for the bodies of the fallen, they do not bury their dead. Discarding them into the cave should prevent them from rotting in the sun and attracting carrion while we camp nearby."

"Good idea. Let's get this over with so I can get down to that beach." Hawke emphatically enthused, "I want sun, sand and surf and I want it now!" She rubbed the spot between her eyebrows that seemed terminally tense lately.

"You got it, boss!" Varric chimed in, "Come on, Daisy. Do you think you can hold Bianca for me while I wrangle some Qunari corpses?"

"Of course, Varric." Merrill blushed prettily, "Don't hurt yourself." Varric gave her a quick wink and walked to where Fenris was hefting the first Qunari towards the cave. They had the path cleared of corpses in just a few minutes and set off again for the coastline further West down the path.

Hawke had the perfect spot in mind for their beach camp. She had scouted it out on another mission to the area to rescue the Viscount's son. She didn't remember how many mercenaries they'd had to kill that day, they'd poured out in droves from every vantage point for what felt like hours. Hacking, slashing, and springing a trap here and there but mostly just slicing and dicing rookie mercenaries, one after the other. It had been a total blood bath and a waste. They'd managed to save the Viscount's son, but not his Qunari companion. Hawke wondered how the boy was doing and imagined he was probably locking horns with his Father, as usual. Politics and parenthood made very ill bedfellows.

"This is it!" Hawke declared. She had been looking forward to this for weeks. Finally, she'd have a chance to relax and get away from her Mother's meddling and a few glorious days free from having to kill anything bigger than a rabbit or a wild bird. "Merrill, can you round up some wood and make a fire for cooking?" Hawke asked.

"Certainly, Hawke!" Merrill began gathering driftwood from around the perimeter of the camp. Varric kept a close eye on Merrill while setting up his tent nearby. Fenris was already off securing the area, as he usually did when they made camp. He'd probably come back with several rabbits or birds for dinner. "He's always showing off," she muttered to herself as she set up her own tent.

She kicked a rock out of her way and got down on all fours to place her bed roll inside her tent. Her blanket got stuck on a twig, so she yanked it hard. It gave and she lost her balance, nearly dislodging the tent support as she caught herself. She crawled out of her tent and stood, muttered a curse under her breath and brushed the sand off her trousers. She raised her head at Varric's snicker to see them all standing around the now roaring fire, staring at her.

"What?" Hawke asked her audience of rapt onlookers.

"Just enjoying the view, Hawke!" Varric replied. Varric and Hawke both glanced at Fenris. "Quite fascinating." was all he replied.

"Ugh, insufferable!" Hawke grumbled and turned to grab her pack and retire to her tent.

Hawke was ready to hit the beach. She quickly changed out of her armor and into the swimming outfit her mother had newly created for her upon hearing her plans to camp out at the beach. It was a thin, sleeveless tunic and a pair of breeches that had the legs lopped off and hemmed up very short. She had joked with her Mother about just how short, they were practically indecent. "Yes, but I know you'll only be wearing them out there with your friends. It's not like you'll wear them while traipsing around the Hightown Market or anything. I think they're rather fetching." her Mother beamed at her own creation.

Hawke had to admit the skimpy outfit certainly was comfortable. She left the tent, ignoring everyone and headed down to the water. She spread her blanket, tossed her book down and walked over to the edge of the water to dip her toe in. It was incredibly warm, so she started walking in deeper. The sand beneath her feet and the flow of the water around her legs felt divine. Almost immediately, she allowed the cares and worries that had been plaguing her to drop away. The surf was mild, so it was easy for Hawke to leisurely swim without worry of crashing into the shore or being sucked under the water. She rolled onto her back and floated, staring up into the clear blue sky as a flock of gulls flew in formation overhead.

She was finally able to relax and enjoy a bit of freedom from the responsibilities that constantly drove her. She could just be. She let her worries roll away, her Mother's constant nagging for her to find a suitor, fears for her sister Bethany living in the Circle, the tensions building in Kirkwall surrounding the Viscount and Qunari relations, her weasel of an Uncle racking up debt in her name. It all evaporated as she drifted in the water. Her mind was peaceful and she felt the tension leaving her shoulders and that nagging spot between her eyebrows as she closed her eyes.

Seemingly all at once, a vision of delicate white swirled lines and olive skin rose unbidden to her mind. His high cheekbones and that sardonic smirk tempted her from her reverie. She recalled the feel of his hands digging into her long red tresses as he brought his sensuous lips to hers for that first passionate kiss. An ache came unbidden to her loins and fired her blood, as it usually did when she thought of him. The simplest of utterances could undo her. The molten passion in his eyes that lone night when he had said, "I've been thinking of you. In fact, I've been able to think of little else. Command me to go and I shall." That was the moment she had given him her heart, only for him to trample all over it.

"Andraste's flaming arsehole! Can't I have one moment's peace without you constantly plaguing me?" She screamed to the sky, her eyes still closed.

"I...apologize. I did not know you wished to be alone. I'll return to camp, I did not mean to offend." Fenris said as he turned to swim back to shore.

"Maker," Hawke muttered as she opened her eyes and realized he thought she was cursing at him, not the imagined Fenris torturing her private thoughts. "I didn't know you… I mean, I was thinking of… shit, come back, Fenris."

"I understand if you'd like to be alone. I just thought it might be safer if I swam with you. I have no idea what matter of creatures inhabits these oceans." Fenris stated cautiously.

"Nothing dangerous ventures into the shallows, otherwise I would have brought my daggers." Hawke replied.

"Oh, well, that's good to know." Fenris looked at her quizzically. She had a strange flush to her cheeks and her breathing seemed a bit shallow. "Are you well? If you're too tired to swim back, I can help you back to shore." He offered, wondering that perhaps moving the heavy Qunari had overly taxed her strength.

"I'm fine, I just got lost in my thoughts. They went way off track and I was irritated, no big deal." She responded.

"I see." He stated. They continued to tread water together, staring at one another. It was as if there was a question in his eyes, the way he was looking at her with that penetrating green gaze. She had the strength to swim for hours in the ocean they currently shared, but when she was sucked into the pools of his eyes, she drowned.

"Hey, Broody!" Varric shouted to them from the shore, "Daisy and I are starving and these rabbits aren't going to cook themselves! Could you help us out, here?"

Merrill strode up to stand beside Varric, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. "Rabbits can cook themselves? How awful for them! Doesn't it hurt?" she exclaimed in wonder.

"No, Daisy, rabbits can't cook themselves. It's just an expression." Varric replied, wrapping his arm around Merrill's waist.

"You go ahead, I'll be right behind you. Just give me a minute." Hawke said to Fenris.

"As you wish," he replied and began swimming for shore.

She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sun to absorb the last few lingering rays before swimming back toward land. When she finally touched sand and began walking towards the group, they all turned to look at her. One by one, their eyes widened and their jaws dropped.

"What now? Have I grown horns or something?" Hawke asked, frustrated.

"Um, Hawke… You can… Oh, my..." Merrill squeaked and spun around.

Fenris simply stared at her. Varric let loose a whistle and shaking his head, said "Damn, Hawke, you really do know how to make an entrance. Where on Thedas did you get that… ensemble?"

She glanced down at her new swimming outfit. " Andraste's flaming ass! Mother, what the hell did you make this out of?" Hawke exclaimed upon realizing that both her tunic and swimming breeches were, in their entirety, transparent. There was absolutely nothing left to the imagination and she was standing there virtually naked in front of her friends, in front of him.

She quickly spun around, "Somebody hand me my blanket, please?" she pleaded. Great, she thought, just great.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yikes, smut warning, not for the faint of heart. ****I tried to make it 'pretty-smut' as opposed to 'super-dirty-smut' if that helps. grin I'm really enjoying this, I hope you are too! Any reviews are welcomed, let me know how I'm doing! Thanks!**

"Um, this view isn't too shabby, either!" Varric chuckled as he handed her the blanket.

"I'm not above punching you, you know, old friend." She jokingly chided Varric as she wrapped the blanket around herself and started to make her way to the fire.

"Go ahead, Hawke. Just avoid the face, old friend. It's way too handsome to be sporting a black eye." Varric joked back.

"Mmmffpph," Hawke grumbled and playfully punched Varric in the shoulder as she passed him to warm herself before the fire.

"Where did Fenris go, I wonder?" Merrill asked as she found a spot near the fire.

"Oh, he probably went to find a private spot to brood. It's not every day one gets to observe a beautiful show like the one Hawke just put on for us. He may need a minute or two to… recover." Varric grinned.

"Oh dear, did the sight of Hawke's… did it make him ill? Will he be alright? We should go find him!" Merrill's lower lip trembled.

"No, Daisy, he isn't ill… exactly. Fenris will be alright, just give him his _brood_ time." Varric rejoined, "I hope he hurries up, I'm famished!"

Hawke didn't buy Varric's assessment of Fenris's swift departure. He was probably disgusted by the sight of her near nakedness. After all, he'd had a taste of the goods and had run away so fast there were still figurative burn marks on her bedroom carpet. He'd probably prefer to settle down with some sweet elf girl that cooked and cleaned and not an armor clad, dagger wielding human crusader who ran with blood mages and Abominations.

Hawke shook her head to chase away any more thoughts of that damned broody elf, that damned sexy, frustrating, intolerable, delicious… Hawke caught herself, "I'm doing it again! Ugh!"

Hawke went over to Merrill to help clean and prepare the rabbits for roasting on the pit above the fire. It never ceased to amaze her just how much Merrill cared for each member of their merry group, but especially Fenris. Despite his hate for blood magic and mages in general, no matter how many nasty comments he directed at Merrill, she still cared. She had such a generous heart, Hawke only hoped that Varric knew what he was doing. She'd kill him herself if he broke her heart.

She decided to pull Varric aside and have a little chat about his growing interest in the sweet blood mage.

Varric was stacking the firewood that Merrill had collected earlier as Hawke approached him. "I know what you're going to say, Hawke. I've already turned it all over and over in my head, but it's no use. I think I love her." Varric looked up helplessly into Hawke's eyes.

"That's all that matters, then, my friend." Hawke reassured him. "None of us knows what the future may bring. If you love her, cherish it and her and don't let anyone or anything stand in your way. You both deserve some happiness, my friend."

"Thanks, Hawke. I hoped you'd understand. She's just wonderful, isn't she?" Varric muffled a small cough to cover the moistness gathering in his eyes. "What about you, Hawke? We're not blind fools, you know. We can all see that something is going on between you and the elf. Just what _is_ going on?"

"Absolutely nothing is going on, my friend. Absolutely nothing." Hawke sighed.

"Are you sure? Because to us, it seems like there's a whole lot of something going on." Varric said, "I don't mean to pry, Hawke, but we're all worried about you. You know I'd never spin tales about anything you shared with me in confidence. Well, I might but I'd change the names to protect the innocent."

"I appreciate that, Varric, truly." She laughed, "I've just been working too hard and overwhelmed what with Mother pressuring me to start seeking a suitor. That's why I decided to take this trip, so I could just relax." Hawke assured him, "I just need to clear my head."

"How about we give you a severely muddled head, first? It's not as pretty here as the Hanged Man but it just might do. I brought a deck of cards and several bottles of Corff's finest swill, so perhaps we could get flaming drunk in front of the fire and play some Wicked Grace after our rabbit feast?" Varric asked.

"Maker yes, my friend! You're an angel!" Hawke replied.

Fenris eventually returned as the women finished preparing their supper. Varric made a crack under his breath about _women's work_ that earned him a cuff on the ear from Hawke as they sat down around the fire to consume the repast. Merrill prodded Varric to tell them all a story, so he regaled them with the tale of the vicious Revainne sea monster and the ancient pirate obsessed with taking it down.

As he finished the tale with a flourish, his audience somberly nodded at the tragedy of the old pirate's death after coming so close to finally capturing the dreaded beast. After a few moments of contemplation, they all began clearing up from supper and cracked a few jokes about Isabella and her _relic_.

"Bring on the ale and the cards, dwarf! In that order, mind you." Hawke trumpeted.

They settled themselves to play some Wicked Grace on a large boulder that had a virtually flat top, serving as a makeshift table. Varric distributed bottles of ale to groans of delight from Hawke. After a few hands of cards and several more bottles of ale, everyone seemed quite comfortably buzzed, enjoying the evening thoroughly.

At one point, Merrill insisted on showing them all her very best _Isabella walk_, stating that she had been practicing at home and was sure she had it down. The result of her strutting, hips swinging wildly dissolved Hawke into uncontrollable giggles that had her rolling in the sand with tears streaming from her eyes. This caused both Varric and Merrill to also start giggling uncontrollably. Varric then performed his own exaggerated version of the _Isabella walk _which resulted in a fresh wave of giggles and then hiccups from Hawke and Merrill.

Fenris observed all of this silliness with his usual cool gaze but Hawke pointedly noticed just the slightest of smirks teasing the corner of his mouth. She'd pay good money to see him do the _Isabella walk_, she thought to herself. Maker, she'd sell tickets!

After the wiggling and giggling had died down, Merrill declared that she was quite a bit dizzy and needed help to find her bed. They all agreed they should retire before their antics caught the attention of some dangerous pack of raiders or slavers. They were certainly in no shape to defend themselves, although Titus could probably make short shrift of any ne'er do wells all on his own.

Hawke called to Titus to give him some choice morsels left over from their supper. He'd spent the entire evening chasing anything that moved, sometimes chasing nothing at all and just running headlong in every direction. He seemed to really take to the ocean breeze and open spaces, Hawke thought to herself. She resolved to bring him out here much more often, it did them both good.

As Hawke started to head toward her tent, Fenris caught her attention and motioned her away from the camp a small distance.

"I thought perhaps Titus and I could take watch in shifts. Would this be agreeable to you?" Fenris asked.

"Titus is a very light sleeper. He'd alert us to trouble well before any was close enough to do us any harm. You don't need to take watch, you should get some sleep." Hawke replied.

"As you wish, Hawke. Merrill mentioned that I might have insulted you earlier when I disappeared after the incident with your… garments. She thought I was taken ill. I just wanted to say that I meant no offense."

Hawke grew irritated at his overly civil tone, "It's fine, Fenris. I'm sure the sight of my body was disgusting to you. I'm over it. I've lived through worse reactions. Is there anything else? I'm really tired." She kicked herself for letting that slip out. She didn't want his pity or for him to realize how easily he could hurt her.

Fenris looked confused, "Why would you think your body disgusts me?"

"Just let it go, Fenris. Yours wasn't exactly the reaction of a man overcome with passion. Can I go to bed, now?" Hawke sighed with fatigue. She was still a bit woozy from the ale and she wobbled and nearly lost her balance. Fenris quickly reacted, grabbing each of her upper arms to steady her against his chest. His embrace was like a bolt of electricity shooting through her from her toes to the top of her head.

"Hawke… Your body is a masterpiece of curves and softness. Your breasts yearn to be touched, your flat stomach and gorgeous hips are perfectly formed. Your body could lure a man to his death, woman. The sight of you today… it utterly stopped my heart and I couldn't breathe from wanting to touch you."

Realization dawned in Fenris' mind as Hawke gasped at his confession and pressed her body further into his chest, need shining like a beacon in her eyes.

She wanted him! Maker, she needed him! Doubts and fears assailed him but he shoved and locked them away as he lowered his head to capture her lips with his own. He kept his eyes open, watching her as he plundered her mouth. She groaned and slid her hands into his hair, desperately struggling to get closer. He couldn't help the groan that escaped him as she pressed her hips into his and began slowly rubbing against him.

He slid a hand behind her neck and grabbed a handful of her hair and slid the other hand under her shirt to caress her breasts. He lightly brushed his palm back and forth over her hardening nipples, sending convulsions through her body. He held her captive to his mouth and hands as he continued teasing and tweaking. He then slowly caressed his free hand further down to the waistband of her short breeches and slid it inside. Hawke thrust her hips forward, aching desperately for his touch.

He lightly traced his hand along her folds, teasing her to maddening heights. Her soft, panting breaths mingled with their fevered kiss. He slowly slid a finger into her wetness and felt her clench her muscles around it. His heart was racing as he slid in a second finger and began to work them in slow circles inside her while his thumb teased the nub at the apex of her sex. She was thrashing so thoroughly, he had to spin her around and brace her against a nearby boulder to keep their balance. He continued to work her sex and watch her face as she succumbed to her need. She shattered into a million pieces right there before his gaze, quivering from her release.

"God's, she's so beautiful." He thought to himself as he removed his hand from her breeches. She opened her eyes and their gazes locked, both trying to communicate what their souls were screaming to the other without words.

"Your body is perfection, Hawke." Fenris whispered as he brought his digits to his lips. "And you taste sweeter than the finest Aggregio Pavali. I could do that to you for eternity and it would never be enough."

Hawke blushed and giggled at the same time, "This is information you could have brought to my attention… Oh let's say… three years ago! If I would have known all I had to do was walk around nearly naked, I could have done it much sooner and avoided a lot of frustrating nights alone in my bed!"

"I'm sorry, Hawke. We never really discussed what happened between us three years ago," he replied.

"You didn't seem to want to talk about it. I was hurt and confused. I thought…" Hawke started to speak but Fenris interrupted her.

"I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me, I deserved no less. But it isn't better. That night, I remember your touch as if it were yesterday. I should have asked your forgiveness long ago. I hope you can forgive me now."

"I didn't hate you, Fenris. I understand. I always understood," Hawke began, "But it did hurt and I wanted you so desperately, it was killing me inside. I tried to forget your touch, blot out your kiss but they burned molten in my dreams."

"You dreamt of me, Hawke?" he asked.

"Every bloody night, you fool!" she declared, no longer ashamed.

"I am indeed a lucky man. If there is a future to be had, Hawke, I will walk into it gladly at your side," Fenris veritably snarled as he leaned down to plunder her mouth once again. Hawke answered by putting every ounce of pent up passion into that kiss, rocking Fenris back onto his heels.

When they came back up for air, he took her hand and led her back to her tent, the others long asleep and unaware of their intimate encounter. He lay down with Hawke and was content to simply watch her as she drifted off to sleep.

How could he have been such a fool? Hawke didn't hate him, she didn't care that he was a former slave or that he had no title or gold. She just loved. She loved him despite everything he had done to destroy it. He didn't deserve her, he knew that. But he swore to himself he would do whatever he could to earn that love, even if it took him the rest of his life.


End file.
